Switching On
Calm and strength fill me
I know: “I’m gonna rock this”
Self-doubt loosens grip
It felt good. Pretty great, actually. I was focused and relaxed at the same time. Listening and also creating and analyzing and exploring all the terrain we needed to cover.
And a lot of terrain there was. We are embarking on a new project, my former colleague-turned business partner-turned some other kind of business partner-friend and I.
So there we were, spending our morning looking into the many ways in which a prospective acquisition target might not be as promising as its seller wants to make it appear.
I love this phase. The start of a new consulting project, when everything is new and exciting, we don’t know the market in and out just yet.
Like an early autumn morning, standing at the edge of a still lake when the sun has just begun to flint over the horizon, taking in the slightly chilly air that holds a gentle promise of a sunny day.
Back in our meeting, I feel this excitement of something that’s both new and familiar, both unexplored and yet right up our street. Going over the client brief, the early research and conversations we have had together, we’re laying our groundwork by mapping out what our guiding questions will be.
“We won’t have access to the data study before next week,” my colleague says.
“It doesn’t make any difference,” I say.
And it’s true. The expensive report with its abundance of graphs will only mean something if we can put it into context. We need to build our mental model first. We need to build a framework of understanding and questioning that this data can land in and then germinate. Most importantly: We need to map where this itch comes from, this nagging sensation that something’s off and we need to find it.
The same joy-ku from above on a mint green background.
Sometimes, working as a strategy consultant feels like entering a movie scene. Like detectives. As if we are now actors in a story with different plots all interwoven, hidden agendas everywhere, being played by characters we will never meet or even know the names of — and it’s up to us to untangle the different motivations before time runs out, before our client has to make their offer. Will it be a gripping rollercoaster where the main characters will turn out to have downplayed key risks? Is our client being played? What tricks are being pulled? What do they not want us to see, ask, find out?
I’m in love with the story of it. The drama. The discoveries.
And for the first time since I can remember, I’m in love with my role in this play.
Because as we were working out our approach, I was ON. Confident and certain. Not fumbling around, not waiting for my partner to take the lead. Stepping up and taking up space, shaping out view with my take on things.
Part of it was because I was so happy to finally get to work with him on an exciting project again.
But a large part was also because I felt my growth. All the work in self-reflection I have done these past few months. The small ways in which I have forced myself to stretch.
The way I look at my work and myself today has evolved. I’m stronger for it. And I could sense it in my presence, in the way I didn’t feel like I had to hide. I no longer felt the reflex to devolve all decisions to my partner. This time around, there were no lingering branches of dread crawling over my mind. No doubts about how I would manage. No stress about how time consuming and demanding this project would become.
I was fully ready to rock this thing.
When I said my goodbyes to go home, my partner smiled. I could tell by his behavior and his eyes - masks don’t cover everything.
“I’m glad we’re back on a project together,” he said.
“As am I,” I replied.
And then he said, “I can see. You are really switched on.”
That’s when I felt it. I’m right where I want to be. Giving me my confidence and energy.
